Convicted.

I have written, deleted, and re-written this post several times. Even after completing it, I was unsure if I would actually post it. BUT...I think it's important, 1-to document my mis-steps for my children to learn from, and 2-as a witness, that although I am a christian, I am not perfect, and I fumble, but I serve a God who is gracious, and forgiving...

So here it is...


I lied.
And I got caught.
And I was punished.

The back story...

I was approached about a job. Although I already had a full time job, I was called about a job opening elsewhere. They were looking, asked around, and were given my name. It's a great job. One I was definitely interested in. I sent my resume, went for an initial interview. Got a call back for another interview. Scheduled it for a Friday, at 4pm. An hour before I was supposed to leave work. No big deal I thought, our last patient is at 2:45pm, we'll be done by 3:30, and I will just sneak out a little early.

When Friday came...clinic started running behind. When it came time for me to leave, I lied. I said that they daycare had called and I had to go.

I went to my interview, and it went well! I had several missed calls, including a message from my current office manager.

I called her back, and she asked if I had left work early to go to an interview at a competitor. I said yes. Apparently, as she said, a rep was at the office I was interviewing at, saw me, and called my current boss to tell her I was interviewing somewhere else.

Apparently, you should tell your current boss that you are interviewing somewhere else, and no worries, you won't jeopardize your current job if you are just upfront about it. This is what I was told anyway...

But I didn't tell the truth. I didn't even omit the truth like I did for the initial interview and just ask to leave early for an "appointment." I flat out lied and I got caught.

So in the end...I was fired. FIRED. Like Donald Trump on the Apprentice, "You're fired." I have never been fired in my life, or even demoted for that matter.

Now we can go into the details like,
"even if someone recognized me there for an interview, they NEVER should have called my current boss and told them."

and the "even if I said it was an appointment, and they found out I interviewed at a competitor they still would have fired me."

and even the blame on someone else, "there is no way my boss would have understood if I told her I was approached about a opening position, and was interested to hear what it was about, so I would need to leave a little early"

and even as far as the..."is there ever an okay time to lie? like this situation??? Certainly if I was honest I would have lost my job right? So it must be okay to fib a little." What is a fib anyway? Or a white lie?

BUT...

Isn't all sin equally bad?

James 2:10 "For whoever keeps the whole law but fails in one point has become accountable for all of it."

In the end, I lied. And it has completely eaten away at me. I called and apologized. I emailed my co-workers who were there to witness the lie, as I essentially lied to them as well. I have prayed and asked for forgiveness, but it still feels awful. Awful because I lied and got caught, awful because I got fired. But most of all...I completely blew my witness at my (former) office, and to anyone who knows the circumstance. To them, I am just a liar.

In the end, I believe God was trying to reach me. To tell me...to investigate my sin, to own up to it, to confess, and to stop continuing the same sin. And maybe just a reminder that:

Matthew 7:1-5
“Judge not, that you be not judged. For with the judgment you pronounce you will be judged, and with the measure you use it will be measured to you. Why do you see the speck that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when there is the log in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother's eye.

I am thankful that God does have a plan for me:
Jeremiah 29:11
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I totally believe God is using this to urge me to grow more in my faith, to examine my own sinful ways and rectify them.

I hear you Lord, loud and clear...and I am listening...

Thank you, for forgiving me, and help me to forgive myself.